A new level

With the ups and downs with struggle it’s to overcome it. Even at breaking point a beam of light could be fading through, to show there is faith?

Can’t change things over night and definitely can’t force them.

Living day by day hoping for the best. It’s a bullshit lie.

You have to do something about it to make it work

For now..

CJ

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When is it enough?

What eats you more the physical abuse, or mental? Am I thinking right?

What drives someone to be physically abusive.? What would you rather have a physical type or the other. With relationships if you get physical, you can’t hide the bruises. They see the pain, they can’t feel what you been through but they will say I can only imagine.. no you shouldn’t imagine it, god I don’t know you don’t want to see abuse. Want everyone to just get along. It’s ok to fight and argue to a extent but don’t take it to bed with you.

Physically touching bruising breaking bones F that I’d all possible get out of that situation. Seek help friends family ….

Going to the mental- Psychological abuse. You can have that straight face. Nobody sees the scars you burden. Nobody can truly see if you need help because you give off the persona that everything is ok.

You get good at lying. You try to find a focal point to escape everything but you are dragged back into it with a thought or action of the abuser or friend who just didn’t know you are hurting.

When you goto work and you cherish the time away, to recharge try not to bring that negative vibe with you. Yet you forget some days you are harassed just as bad there to.

Then you come home trying to stay positive, and you were already doomed from the start.

Either you are not good enough,fast enough. Regardless it’s world war 3 and your trying to comprehend why.

When you avoid talking to your partner in fear it’s just going to start something and that blows up in your face. That feeling you get when you feel they talk so much crap about you too others make them the victim, and you wonder wait can you hear my thoughts my story?

The mental abuse is so much worse in my opinion than physical. Some days I’m sure people would rather get hit than actually take a beating with words.

Sticks and stones. BS live my life and others words are a lot harder to the gut than a actual fist.

When is it enough?

You can ask for help but you have to learn who you can trust because just because they say it’s in private. It’s not.

When you wanna talk about your feelings but you shut down to the person you need to talk to because it’s a battle you are going to be on a mental drain.

Talk to family but only give them bits and peace’s so they don’t hate the person you are with because you don’t want that on your conscious.-

When is enough enough?

Are you the bad guy for leaving? In others eyes definitely but you can’t stay with someone if it’s just not going to get better.

You wanna break down and scream cry. Just try to let it all go and move on.

Just because a person claims mental abuse. If they say something definitely be concerned.

However look for warning signs maybe see if that person is ok. If they don’t want to talk. Let them be. They will. In do time.

This was all over the place. But I think i got a point out or Atleast this out of my head.

Till next time

CJ

Mind overload

What am I doing here?

What have I done better to improve myself?

Where do I see myself in 5 years?

So many questions I have for myself and yet it’s so hard to answer with a straight face.

Why can’t I just say my feelings instead of letting them bottle up inside?

So I asked myself, what am I doing here? My answer – to live one day moment and second of my life. I want to be the best father for my children and teach them to be the best they can be for future of man.

My son Wyatt 2 year old with a major attitude yet I’m his first best friend. I am his father. He trusts me knows I will do anything for him. One day he will speak his mind and I will regret wishing he could talk… jk?…

My new addition Logan as he continues to grow to be like his older brother. Sleepless nights but hey round 6..

What am I doing here? Probably to express myself with the ability of this sites

What have I done to improve myself?

I work Monday Friday 8-5. It’s the same schedule I have had and been use too for awhile now and it’s fine. I just haven’t moved to do better, what I believe I have to move, still not good enough in others eyes, so I just slump and ruin the chances I may have.

Improvement is by action, talk is fine but I have to back it up. Once the courage is there nothing can stop me, if you set your mind to it anything is possible right?!

Where do I see myself in 5 years?

Honestly I hope I do something that matters I hope I become a better father to my two children, and have there love and support . I see my self as the dreamer who keeps chasing the nightmare. I will wake up one day, this will all be behind me. I will just laugh. I could scream or cry but hey this is my nightmare not yours.

Till next time

CJ

Hello 2016 good bye 2015

family

2015 over hello 2016

Thursday, December 31, 2015

Well 2015 is over, as of a few hours of this typing.. 7:32pm.

 

Where do I start? Good bad ugly?

Beginning of the year it was a low point once again in life, as the struggle of life had taken its toll.

2014 ended with me and my dad getting on a better track of life atleast I hope 🙂

I had so many issues the first couple months of heartache and trying to figure out what I need to do for my life,

Then after trading cars with dad, I decide I’m tired of trying to fix the one he gave me that had no payments, I needed to get a car with payments again.. Don’t get me wrong I like the car but because of the current situation I’m in. it’s a burden, but atleast this time its in my name, and I don’t screw family up.

 

From Jan, to about April that was the, I’m giving up stages I guess in a way, but I didn’t. From the wrath of 2014 I had to let things go, and I got my bathroom back in the process. (those who know me understand the cat struggle..) In May I had a loss of a friend, but gained a new friend and love, Amanda Dailey, who I had known previous a year just barley able to talk to her… nerves 😛

Amanda and I have been dating since that time, and we decided that we were going to have a kid… OOPS!!!

That’s where life got more interesting, once we found out so many thing’s have changed. Still getting to know each other has been a very interesting journey but we are doing it, and not looking at the bad but the positive from this point on and forward.

The Baby, Wyatt Nathaniel Thompson, as of this typing we have 97 more days till arrival. ITS SCARY THOUGHT.

So many things we still have to do and get. Then more struggle hits with her being on disability, and insurance disappearing… but 2016 it will be fixed.. Atleast it Better 😉

Even though some may think its a lot of negative, its a lot of positive, I wouldn’t change anything for the world.

The changes are for the better and the journey is never ending.

 

The stuff that happened in 2015

1.     Getting a Kia soul.. Haha yes the hamster mobile, don’t believe the hype when it says its good on gas though. It may be because of a lead foot but I been good. 🙂

2.   Getting rid of cats.. This was a important title of finally just giving up on waiting for the owner to get them, when they were abandoned with me and they were only supposed to be there a weekend… :s Cats i like to assume they are with new families now, and well taken care of. As I am allergic. 😮 stuff you do for who you thought was a friend I guess.

3.Loss of a friend. Patrick Mendez, man I met this guy and we hit it off, along with Chris Allen who was his buddy and brother its unfortunate that I diddnt get to know him for a lot longer than I wanted to but I will never forget the time that I had with him, and the jokes. RIP Superman Patrick

4. Loss of an Uncle well unfortunately I lost my uncle this year as well, he’s in a better place, but I wish I got to see him but I will remember him as he was not the last moments of his life, RIP Uncle Phillip, and Many prayers to my whole family, and his wife and kids 😦

5. Meeting of Amanda, Man this girl I been trying to ask out for over a year, and then on her birthday I have her cake and a thing of starbursts. From then on Going to the Beach, Vegas a few times, Camping, HAVING A KID!!!!!! Haha crazy. Still getting to know her everyday. ❤

6. Moving out of moms. I think that’s the hardest things I have done all this year cause I was scared to fail. Don’t get me wrong some moments I have the stress, luckily I have family that still helps me cause if wasn’t for them, I would be more of a struggle.

7. My co workers, I usually see this on the internet and never happen to me moment, but the first couple weeks me and Amanda being on our own we had no fridge, well my co workers came together and fixed that, truly grateful for every one of them that had helped us out. Along with a big thank you to Danny who helped even more with stuff we may need.

8. Obviously family, Everyone helped in the way they can. My Dad for everything he did to help get me to this point along with the donation of all his furniture basically. And the other stuff he’s done. My Mom and ED for being there right by my side when I need the help when they can as well.

9. Wyatt Nathaniel, even though he’s not in our arms yet, he’s been a big part of 2015 once we found out, and we got to see glimpse but we cannot wait to see more and have him in our arms and begin the new journey of being parents.

10. Coco, the little puppy that was needed of rescue, this little dog had been a handful, but she’s the newest addition to Amanda and my family. She’s a very needy dog haha and doesn’t know what she wants at times. Cant wait for her to meet her new baby brother and grow up with him just like I did with my old dog, who was also named Coco, just a different breed 🙂

 

That’s it that’s what I can say of 2015

Its just going to get better, more positive than negative, so until next time

Chris, Amanda, Coco, (Cooking Wyatt) wishes you all a happy new year and see you all next year. For Wyatt he will be here next year 😉

September 7th

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My sweet baby girl or boy.

Mommy and I have come up with your name, If you are my baby girl, you will have the name, Brooklyn Grace Thompson. If you are my baby boy, You will have the name, Brody Allen Thompson.  
We love you, we cannot wait to see what you are going to be.

We are at week 9 and 3 days, it won’t be until October before we know, but it no longer matters.  We are ready for either.
Tomorrow we will be picking up your crib, so that will be fun.
Mommy and I are still looking for our own place, by the time you are here it will happen, so you never had to worry about that.
Your mom wants you to calm down, she misses food, and no longer likes any smell, but she will be fine.
Few kidney shots and roll overs but it’s minor on what you are doing to her. 🙂

Baby Thompson, remember you are our #1 priority,  as a friend told me, it’s no longer about me, what I thought was important doesn’t mean anything,  you are the most important person who will be in my life, besides your mother Amanda.
Family is everything,  you will notice how crazy we all are.

Good night for now.
Love CJ

Aug 27th

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Baby Thompson, your mom and I got to see you even clearer today, and we heard your heartbeat.
Your heartbeat is so strong, it was a blessing to know we had a little communication from you today.

We are both new right now, we are going to take some classes, and start learning more of the ropes on what is to come.
I promise you, you will be loved, My best Friend and soon to be Aunt Lauren can’t wait to meet you, she cried finding out from me on the status we got tonight.
Your Mommy’s friend Darian, is just the same she’s got so much planned for you its not even funny.. *haha yes it is*
So many friends are excited and family.

I just want you to know, I will never forget that sound, I love you and good night for now.

Love
CJ

Aug 26th

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Hey, Baby Thompson.
I am your soon to be Dad, My Name is Chris Thompson and your Mommy’s name is Amanda Dailey, it’s crazy how everything has just now began.
We are both new to what we are going to experience but just know we are going to be ready.

I’m not much of a blogger but I will give you some details and pictures with hopes of you appreciating this one day.

Well today your Mom and I, went to see you for the very first time.
These past weeks it was still so new to us both. When I saw that blob of a picture I knew you were real, you are my Son or Daughter, as of right now we have no clue as you are our little mystery.

I want you to know that, soon as I found out I’m going to be a Dad, I will be honest  I was scared, but I so far stepped up and I hope to be a proud parent you look up to one day.

Today is the first of blogs, and soon it will have every picture just to annoy you and your mom.

Right now you are a little raspberry,
But I’m proud to say that I love you and can’t wait to find out more about you.
No matter what Gender you are, you are loved
As of this entry, you have a lot of people waiting on you.

I will end it with this today, I will follow up tomorrow as your mom and I have a official visit to a doctor to see if there is more of you to see.

Goodnight
CJ